


saddest love refrain

by je000nghan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Intoxication, Light Angst, M/M, Smoking, there’s jihan if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 23:51:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16397438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/je000nghan/pseuds/je000nghan
Summary: soonyoung sees an indefinite image of a man in a room of psychedelia. believing it to be his ex-lover: jihoon, soonyoung chases after him like the very cause of his heartbreak was it’s only ironic remedy.will soonyoung be able toat leastshake his hand ‘hello’ and ask him how he’s been?





	saddest love refrain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [palmfairy1122](https://archiveofourown.org/users/palmfairy1122/gifts).



> inspired by [this moment](https://twitter.com/je000nghan/status/1055113395563716613?s=21) from one of their recent vlives!

soonyoung shivers at the feel of warmth and humidity blanketing his entire body, prompting sweat to trickle from the heat of his scalp down the sides of his face — and soonyoung loves every single bit of the disgust and the creeping desire to walk back home and shower.

soonyoung doesn’t do the latter. instead, he excuses himself through a sea of sweat-glistening bodies, mindlessly and without direction. at some point, he bumps over a drunken mess of a good friend named yoon jeonghan, and they laugh at the wet patch of beer the friend accidentally spills over soonyoung’s gray hoodie (a piss-colored mark that telltales of their clumsiness and intoxication).

“jihoon went to the back,” jeonghan yells against the loud sounds of jazz-fused synthpop and the accumulated voices of the crowd singing along the lines of _But my children said, ‘We are your stars, you will never be alone; we will never be alone inside your home.’_

soonyoung leaves with a Thanks shown through a grin and a handshake which jeonghan returns with a dragged out nod and a smirk that greets back No Problem.

(oh how he loves him: yoon jeonghan, his senior who introduced him to the underground scene of music. thanks to him, soonyoung is able to find himself in a place where he can lose himself all at the same ironic time.)

however, despite the advice, soonyoung walks further, following the lunar light that leads to the glass doors and outside the busy bar. perhaps, he wasn’t drunk enough and his body hungers for his dose of baby-nikki-nicotine.

there’s another friend, joshua, who welcomes him with a stretched out hand, offering him a cigarette like he knew exactly what soonyoung was in need of. “jeonghan’s still inside?”

“so drunk,” soonyoung nods, blowing out a thin line of smoke from the corner of his mouth and breathes in his next puff a little bit too deep. “you guys okay?”

joshua pats on the cap soonyoung had worn backwards, giving him an endearing chuckle. “never better. he’s just pissed he broke a string on the last song, guess he’s coping. you missed our set?”

 _must feel so good to be in a band with your boyfriend._ “i didn’t think you guys were that early in the line-up.”

“sort of. we had to make way for…”

soonyoung laughs at the pause. his hyungs were always so careful when it comes to his romantic condition, and he can never thank them enough because honestly, he was still in his state most fragile.

“there was a conflict, i guess. he asked to change time slots,” joshua tells him, killing what’s left of his cigarette and placing the butt back inside his half-empty pack (soonyoung always admired how responsible he is). “he suddenly had to come later.”

 _ugh, great. what a coincidence,_ soonyoung thinks. and though he didn’t respond, his face must have given it away.

“i know you, soonie. i know you came in late to miss his set.”

soonyoung smiles shyly. caught.

“but i don’t think you really wanted to. you could’ve missed the entire night, you know?”

“and miss your schedule? no way!”

“you say that like you have a perfect streak,” joshua laughs at the sad excuse. “you did though, don’t worry. he finished like twenty minutes ago. but i think he’s still at the back.”

soonyoung leaves with a hesitant nod and a heavy heel down his finished cigarette.

 

 

 

a swift arm welcomes him back inside the crowded little room of artists, dragging him nowhere in particular (more like, pulling him down with gravity), slurring incoherent lyrics as the friend sings along the current band’s hit song: _Time has a way of healing, or so they say. So why am I still left here crying? Caught in these ways of emotions as people stare, I find there’s no real place for me to hide._

“sing with me, man!” wonwoo teases. he easily resumes to his singing when soonyoung only laughs back, escaping the tall friend’s hold.

but when he finally does, his little head freeing from wonwoo’s limbs, soonyoung’s eyes catch on a shadowy image of the man his heart is convinced he will never be ready for.

to defeat conviction, soonyoung takes whatever golden drink it was that wonwoo was holding, coughing at the scorching heat that trails down his throat and rests inside his chest. he sets his mind with a newfound gut and chases after the man’s image.

 **lee jihoon:** there he stands, so beautiful and composed; the only stable being in the four-walled psychedelia. he looks so innocent and well, his face glowing bright and healthy. soonyoung knows the man is him, soonyoung knows despite the haze and despite the fact that the last time he saw him, jihoon had the blackest hair.

soonyoung can’t see what color his hair is now or if jihoon was really as fine as he currently sees him to be, but soonyoung is sure of his person, and tonight, he decides to come closer.

the song must have finished and another one’s to start — soonyoung realizes this when the drummer counts from three to one and he loses his dignity as the beat rings his eardrums so deadly; his mind has gone autopilot and his feet rustle quickly to lee jihoon.

a second later, pain rises from his abdomen and his heart catches on his body’s heat, trapping heavy negativity inside his chest as he panics at the losing sight of jihoon. suddenly, soonyoung finds himself crying; and repeatedly, he screams for jihoon’s name.

 _No! no no no no no,_ the little voice in soonyoung’s mind chants. _you can’t lose him now, you can’t!_

at this point, the pain has now been mixed with anger. soonyoung Hates how fate plays with his courage. for the past few months, he had declared himself a heartbroken coward who refuses to face his ex-lover again; so now, he’s angry at how hard it is to reach said ex-lover, jihoon, at the first night he decides to at least, _at least_ , shake his hand ‘hello’ and ask him how he’s been. (he was even ready to admit he’s not fine if jihoon would ever return the question.)

“woah, woah, woah!” 

soonyoung bumps against some dude’s vanilla-scented body whose hands grip firmly on either side of his shoulders.

“easy there, bro—shit. you okay?”

looking up, soonyoung meets the man’s huge doe-eyes: it’s seungcheol. this music scene really is a small container of familiar people and seungcheol was one of said people, and soonyoung is familiar enough with him to cry out jihoon’s name in desperation.

seungcheol calms him down like the big brother that he is, hushing soonyoung but to no effect. sighing, seungcheol tells him he saw jihoon at the back.

why do they keep on telling him he’s at the back? soonyoung clearly saw jihoon in the crowd. those lying motherfuckers.

 

 

 

_**to: [number]** _

_where are you?_

_— sent._

 

soonyoung might as well wait until he’s eighty for a reply — not if he dies first from his own disappointment. what’s the point of deleting jihoon’s number if he still knows every single digit by heart?

twenty minutes. soonyoung realizes it has been twenty minutes since he sent the text, twenty minutes since he left seungcheol’s side, bringing himself back to his feet, wandering to no destination.

perhaps, his own mind played with him tonight. perhaps, he was his own lying motherfucker.

and though his breakdown was short-lived, his heartache still lingers.

 

 

 

_( **to: my soonie.** _

_here._

_— sent._

 

“soonyoung.” )

 

 

 

later, the world comes into peace with soonyoung again when fate leads him to a silent alley where the loud tunes of music and the voices of the crowd come into muffled sounds, and the air had lost the stench of alcohol. and like that wasn’t enough tranquility, soonyoung realizes the brightness of the moon that had graced his eyes with clarity.

soonyoung was at the back.

“soonyoung.”

soonyoung was at the back with jihoon.

 

(and he finds himself taking in the presence of his heartbreak’s cause and perhaps, in utmost irony, his pain’s only remedy: lee jihoon, his saddest love refrain.)

**Author's Note:**

> oof, ex-lovers and their romantic hangovers. might fuck around and post a second chapter in jihoon’s POV! (because this was more visual than it is a story, and perhaps, a second chapter will complete it...)
> 
> if you liked that, let me know! kudos & comments are well appreciated, thank you ♡
> 
>  also, the stressed student that i am would gratefully take a cup of coffee as a form of support: [here!](https://ko-fi.com/F1F7OQ52) you know, if you ever liked my work that much. i’ll drink it well, i promise. thank you ♡
> 
> [first lyrics used](https://open.spotify.com/track/7lMWnmbFWP1Rg0cSICKmjx?si=iosh88KhRMmBCLlq_mfWUA)  
> [second lyrics used](https://open.spotify.com/track/3SyrcgbxVOmLnvtcfnEKf9?si=XpzVVTjySBOrtVAZt2BhtQ)
> 
>  
> 
> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/je000nghan) and [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/je000nghan)! let’s be friends!
> 
>  
> 
> p.s.: gifting this to my good friend, [palmfairy1122](https://archiveofourown.org/users/palmfairy1122/pseuds/palmfairy1122) who’s doing such an awesome job acing her exams in med school right now. i hope this little gift helps the stress away even just a little bit! love you! 
> 
> p.p.s.: check out her works, you’ll find a good amount of quality jihan (if you squint?) and a Greater amount of quality soonhoon!


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